Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
where are you?
Hypothermia
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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