One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
