Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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