It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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