We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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