God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
