Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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