Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
