Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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