Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
