my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
