what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
