They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
