Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
