the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
