Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We are two peas in an std pod
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
