He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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