well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
