i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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