i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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