Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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