i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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