hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
