My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
