if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
