you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Terrible idea I love it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
