I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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