so that wasnt chicken after all
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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