Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
