I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
