she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
