Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
