well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
