she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
