His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
