I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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