Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
