It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
