My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
