Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
