I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize