They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
