So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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