The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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