Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize