sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
