she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
