The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
