so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
