ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
