She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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