Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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