I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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