Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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