in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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