just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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