How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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