careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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