Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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