you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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