How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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