i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
