Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
