My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
