New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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