The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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