i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
