Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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