My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
