just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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