My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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