I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
