its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
