If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
