he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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