and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
