Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
